I have to admit-I'm jealous

I love my son and would very honestly NEVER change a thing about him but I cant help but experience bouts of jealousy on a regular basis. I see Connor every day and never bat an eye at his delays. They don't seem that significant to me when it's just us.
We had a huge weekend of birthday parties this past weekend and it was like a giant slap in the face. There were tons of children there and I was shocked at how much bigger, older and more independent they were compared to my son. Some where even born on the same day as him.
Connor had a blast as did we but I felt so sad when he wanted so bad to climb on the little play motorcycle and couldn't and then a 16 month old little boy had no problem. Connor doesn't know any different but I do. He gets so mad that he cant do something and I have to sit there and fight back tears.
I never say this out loud to anyone other then my family but-IT'S NOT FAIR.
Connor is making leaps and bounds of progress and I hope with all my soul that someday he will catch up and the struggle will be over.
I don't think of myself as a jealous person but, seeing these other children do things so naturally while my son struggles to do things they did 6 months ago aches me.
I wish there was some way to replace missing chromosomes and genes in humans.

Vent Away

So I cant stop thinking about the "what if's" and they happen to be driving me batty.
What if Connor's peditrician had noticed the ridge in his forehead sooner? I noticed it pretty much at birth (they think his sutures were already closed then) but I didnt think anything of it because I didnt know it was something to be concerned about. Would Connor's brain NOT be underdeveloped if we had noticed sooner?
What if we had gotten Con into the Regional Center at an earlier age? Would he be making even more progress?
What if I had done something differently? Maybe I was too old to have a child? Did I cause this chromosome to be missing?
I cant find any support groups out there to help ease my mind and everyone around me seems to think he is just fine. I KNOW he is fine but at the same time, he needs lots of help and work just to do what other 17 and 18 month old children do on there own and even then, he cant really do them.
He was saying a few words a few months ago and those seem to be foreign to him now. He does pick up words here and there but, will they leave his vocabulary?
What does it mean when they say his brain is underdeveloped? I assume there is no damage so then-FIX IT! Develope that brain.
What if Connor gets teased? What will I do? I cant tell that child to stop. I cant talk to his/her parents but that is about it. All I can do is tell my child that he is absolutly the way he should be.
What if I didnt worry so much?

Our trip to the L.A. County Fair

We took C on his first trip to the Los Angeles County Fair. We go every year and are looking forward to sharing the tradition with Connor. It is good fun, food and shopping.
Connor had a blast. We had a slight mishap at the beginning when daddy put too much sun screen on his face but after a good clean up and quick nap we were off to enjoy the day.

The internet has upset me

My husbands birthday is on Tuesday, Sept. 8. I have been ordering a variety of things that I know he would like from the Internet since the beginning of August. I ordered them all from sites I have ordered from before knowing I had PLENTY of time.
I would say on or about the fourth of fifth of August, Eric found some sort of Marvel hardback comic book thing that I could tell he really wanted. As soon as he left the room I hopped onto the net and ordered it. This was ordered from a site I have never ordered from before but get their catalogue all the time.
I have yet to even receive and email stating it has been shipped. They have already taken the money from my account. I go to the site and I punch in the confirmation number and the only info I get is "READY TO SHIP". This thing has been ready to ship since August 20. What the heck people. We have a birthday here.
Lets go!
I am now convinced Eric will not be getting his comic book by Tuesday.
I no longer trust internet shopping.

Why?

Why must Connor destroy everything now that he can crawl? He barely moves considering he has only be crawling for a week yet he manages to destroy a room in less than five minutes.
Why do I continue to follow behind him and pick things up knowing it will be destroyed once again in a few minutes?
I begged for him to crawl and now that he does I wish it would stop!

And now we move....

Away we go...

The breakdown of our son Connor

We finally had our long awaited appointment today with Dr. G. It was a VERY long appointment with lots of questions asked, lots of information given and lots of questions still unanswered.
We got to our appointment at 130 and was seen right away only to have the doctor leave again for an hour to review Connor's MRI and CT scans. Once he returned poor C had fallen asleep. It was perfect because we got all of the questions out of the way before Connor was examined.
From what we gathered, Connor's condition is so rare that he could not find one case that matched Connor's exactly. Instead what he did was researched those closest to him and compared that way. Now that he has seen Connor he will now research Connor's specific symptoms and right a report for us in the next few weeks with all the research he has found.
From our questions and his information this is what we found out today-
Connor's frontal brain is underdeveloped but Dr. G feels confident that he will compensate eventually. This might be why he is physically delayed. It has nothing to do with the sutures closing too early (all of these "issues" are all caused by his chromosomal deletion).
He no longer seems to feel Connor will need surgery on his skull. Connor's brain is almost done developing and it has never been a concern due to his premature closure of the sutures. He feels that they were probably closed upon birth. The ridge in his forehead should not grow anymore but, if we feel it is we will be referred immediately to a specialist.
His new concern seems to be the thumbs. We see an orthopedic doctor every few months but he wants to see a hand specialist and make sure he doesn't have something called Clasp Thumb Condition.
Connor will probably be in some sort of special education classes growing up but because we are already part of the Regional Center, he is already on the right track getting extra help to help in in his development.
There is a 50/50 chance that Connor will pass this onto his own children and even though our blood showed that we did not pass it onto Con, there is a chance that something went wrong in the "creation" of Connor that it could happen again so we have decided it would be best to have just one wonderful child.
We will be getting a kidney and abdomen ultrasound on C because in the other cases that were similar to him, there were some children with kidney problems. They will also be looking at his testicles as they have not dropped yet and seem underdeveloped.
He will also get an echo cardiogram to rule out heart conditions. His heart sounds wonderful but because other children have had heart problems we must make sure.
These will probably be yearly things for Connor growing up.
Dr. G will be looking up each problem Connor is facing in his database to make sure it is all correlated to the missing piece of Chromosome 21.
Even though 21 has moved and attached itself to Chromosome 12, he is not concerned at all with 12. He will also be doing more research to find out exactly what all 30 or so genes that Connor is missing do.
To help further his progress and hopefully help in out for when he is ready for school , we will be starting speech and occupational therapy in the near future.
We will be seeing Dr. G again in one year. But he will be in contact with us periodically as he gathers new information.
It was a great appointment. It is just hard to not really know exactly what will happen with his future but it is great to know that technology gets better and better with time.