So I cant stop thinking about the "what if's" and they happen to be driving me batty.
What if Connor's peditrician had noticed the ridge in his forehead sooner? I noticed it pretty much at birth (they think his sutures were already closed then) but I didnt think anything of it because I didnt know it was something to be concerned about. Would Connor's brain NOT be underdeveloped if we had noticed sooner?
What if we had gotten Con into the Regional Center at an earlier age? Would he be making even more progress?
What if I had done something differently? Maybe I was too old to have a child? Did I cause this chromosome to be missing?
I cant find any support groups out there to help ease my mind and everyone around me seems to think he is just fine. I KNOW he is fine but at the same time, he needs lots of help and work just to do what other 17 and 18 month old children do on there own and even then, he cant really do them.
He was saying a few words a few months ago and those seem to be foreign to him now. He does pick up words here and there but, will they leave his vocabulary?
What does it mean when they say his brain is underdeveloped? I assume there is no damage so then-FIX IT! Develope that brain.
What if Connor gets teased? What will I do? I cant tell that child to stop. I cant talk to his/her parents but that is about it. All I can do is tell my child that he is absolutly the way he should be.
What if I didnt worry so much?
5 comments:
You are such a brave and wonderful mother! No I don't have answers to your questions but I am think and praying for you like crazy! Hang in there!
You are doing great, but you are in a new world. It is hard, but you will find ground in time. Time, not so easy, but that's what it takes. All of your worries are normal, but with time, you will learn to adjust and find that the answer is something you never dreamed of. You will learn to think outside-of-the-box. You are no longer in the box your were in. Give your self time. And no, you will never be in control of anything. But you can learn to take what is given and redirect it. Your heart will break in the process sometimes, but you will learn to turn those speedbumps into great things. Most importantly, you will learn to teach other people about your child. You may have fears, but you are his advocate and he will need you to set those fear into some type of priority and make a path for him. You can do it. Teach others - find a way to make those around him know him. You will never be able to control other children, but start educating them about him NOw and they will learn to appreciate his differences in the long run. The teasing will happen, but guess what, it happens to us all - teach them, there will be a select few who will become his protectors from the others.
And from my experiences thus far, you/I did nothing to cause these quirks with our children, they just happened. Not everything has an explainable cause. Wrap your arms around that and cling to it. Then move forward!! And not everything is fixable. Find his strengths and build on them - don't focus on the weaknesses - focusing on the weakness only make you weaker. Yes, address the weaknesses, but accept them for what they are and put them in there place, but focus on the strenghts!! You may not see it today, but some day you will find these moments in your life are invaluable. You will never be able to find all of the answers. But you will find out who YOU are during these times and you will be amazed at what you can do and how you can pull your family through.
Another thing I have learned to do -- take those 'what ifs' and turn them into 'why nots'. You can't change the past, but you can mold your future. Ivey has microcephaly, but one day I quit asking what if this and what if that..because at the end of that day Ivey still had microcephaly. So when they said she would probably never speak I asked 'why not' and began to work on sign language...she can sign 'mama' now. You are doing a great job. Just get your head into the right now, leave the past behind and keep moving forward. It's hard, but you can do it. Trust in yourself. Don't beat yourself up for things you never had control of in the first place. Gwen - Ivey's mom
Gwen-thank you so much for what you wrote. Every time I read your blog about Ivey I am just amazed. She is an amazing child and I get so happy when you post that she learned something new. I think not too long ago she learned OFF. I was so happy for her and you.
I know I must live in the now and do what needs to be done for Connor, which I do, but, sometimes I just need to sit back and get mad. Because this is still so very new to us, I am still kind of at a loss which is upsetting.
I wish therapies, doctors and everything else that he needs would happen quicker. The waiting is awful.
thank you so much again for those words of inspiration. It means so much.
sarah
Hi Sarah, I saw your comment this morning on April's little Family and I thought your baby was SO cute I just had to come over and say hi! I am sorry to read about all you have been going thru! I can't imagine how scary this is. I think your baby is adorable and I will pray for you this week. God bless.
hey sweetie, he has certainly come a lon glong way, as for language development, my kids pick up and drop words too. it had me very worried for a while. but a few peditricians assured me that its how they learn. they dont use the words too often. they forget.. simple as that. he's doing great great great!! your right it's nto fair. but he couldnt ask for better parents
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